it's been long enough, my friends

Monday, July 25, 2011

It has been quite some time since I have posted a blog entry here – well over a year.

That is long enough.

I cannot recall all of the original feelings and motivations I had for beginning this blog, in 2009.  Tonight, however, I have found fresh motivation for continuing my journal entries: my friends – two in particular.

The first: Teresa of Avila.  A Spanish mystic from the Sixteenth century, she wrote extensively on prayer.  I find her words both encouraging and discouraging.  I am encouraged to believe that the life of prayer, the journey towards union with God, is always possible – and it's always possible to go deeper.  There is a life that is deeper – much deeper – than what many people seem to be aware of, however well they paint or portray a life of faithfulness to God.  Deeper: much deeper – so much deeper!

Yet I can’t help but feel discouraged as well; how far I am from a deep life of prayer, a deep union with God – and how much more I have to go.  I feel like a child who refuses to give up his toys, those things he is attached to, and attracted to; a child who pouts at the loss of any trivial toy or thing that has stimulated any kind of temporary enjoyment in his measly life.

Still, reading the inspiring words of my friend Teresa, I have no doubt that life is worth living.  How deep life is, and how little I have barely begun to even feel the waters with the feet of my heart and soul.  Life is deep, and a life of prayer is deep – and my friend Teresa is constantly reminding me of this.  Thank you, my friend, my sister; thank you, Teresa.

The second: a beautiful friend I have known for almost six years.  Her faith – like that of Teresa – is inspiring.  It is clear to me that she is constantly thinking about her faith in God.  In a truly genuine and paradoxical way, she has expressed how much she wished to know God more, to have a better relationship with him.  Teresa felt the same – as did many of God’s saints.  Yet perhaps unbeknown to her, she is truly a light in the world, illuminating the reality of God's existence.  It is a paradox indeed: it reminds me of what another friend of mine, John of the Cross, has said: “Many individuals think they are not praying when, indeed, their prayer is deep.  Others place high value on their prayer while it amounts to little more than nothing.”

My friend’s prayer is - I can tell - deep.  Like Teresa, she inspires me to want to strive to be holy, to come closer to the Lord.  But the inspiration I feel coming from her floods my heart and soul more than Teresa.  She is a contemporary of mine, whereas Teresa is not.  She is my sister, striving for those deep waters of refreshment in prayer, as I am as well.

Thank you, my friend, my sister: I can't thank you enough.

Perhaps I will write more, and keep these entries contemporary, under the influence of my fresh sources of inspiration.

If God wills it.

In all sincerity,

Brian